The Dark Tower, a techno-fantasy series Stephen King’s been writing since the 70’s, has a new chapter in Discordia, an epic online flash game available at StephenKing.com. The game’s original press release was a little dull, so I’ve jazzed it up a bit. Enjoy:
“FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Subj: Stephen King Launches Creepy New Game Packed With Maximum Spooks
Happy New Fear, boils and ghouls! Stephen King here with a new online video game that’s truly a…killer app! In Discordia: Boo! Edition, you’ll follow a terrifying demon-wolf as he extracts one hundred gallons of blood from people in small New England towns. I hope you like that creepy clown from IT, because he’s your partner! 50 levels of murderous chills and thrills await you – unless, of course, you’re too scared to play it!
Because I am! I’m just hired to write press releases – this game’s so scary that if I played this game, I’d poop myself! Sorry to use such…foul language but I’m a little…tired this morning! Oh no, I heard a creepy noise! (*Sounds of glass breaking*) (*Sounds of man jumping through window*)”
Why a press release would include sound effects I’ll never know.