The App Store: Now With 100% Less Fun!

Many of you have likely been hearing about the iPhone App Store’s crackdown on suggestive or titillating apps. The common thread in all the stories has been a deliberate vagueness on Apple’s part – they know if they define the content they don’t want as a list of rules then developers are just going to create content that follows those rules but is still suggestive. By keeping the definition of suggestive as “whatever we say it is,” Apple retains editorial control.

So given that infuriating but suggestive strategy, one wonders why an Apple employee defined the do’s and dont’s of the iPhone App Store for TechCrunch. Regardless of the brightness of the move, here’s the list:

  • No images of men or women in bikinis or ice skating tights. No word yet as to bikinis over ice skating tights are OK.
  • No “skin”? Hilariously, the TechCrunch reported then asked the Apple employee if Burqa’s were OK, and the Apple guy got angry.
  • No suggestive silhouettes. Damn, so much for my new iPhone app, “ShadowBreasts.”
  • No innuendo…and we all know what that means! I’d censor that app anyday!
  • Nothing that can be sexually arousing. Sorry Anderson Cooper, you’re outta here!
  • No apps that in any way imply sexual content, although apparently, the Playboy app is still in the store.

It’s a brave new world for Apple, or 1984, or whatever – pick your crappy literary metaphor that I have a tenuous hold on – this is straight up bad news.

Source: TechCrunch

Asterios Kokkinos

I've written for National Lampoon & Cracked Magazine, been featured on NPR's "Marketplace", and had a pilot screen at the New York Television Festival. I've performed stand-up all over NY, Boston & LA. I love Babylon 5, yelling at the TV with my dad and naps.

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